Tuesday, July 30, 2013

On Freedom

The ontologist, Ernest Holmes, has said that if God has a will, it must for us “to express greater life, greater happiness, greater power,” without harming others. It makes sense to me, then, that the perfect mode for this expression is freedom…the unconstricted means to live our lives as fully and completely as possible. If there is a divine urge, it must be this. Otherwise why would people die for the sake of freedom, as they willingly forfeit their lives so that others might be free? The freedom to become more of who we truly are must be part of our spiritual DNA!

Not for ourselves alone

I think of two 19th Century American women who spent their lives in the pursuit of becoming more of who they could be…Suffragettes Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony. They could not have appeared to be more different. Stanton, smiling and motherly, was married and had seven children; Anthony, gaunt and strong featured, never married. Yet they pursued their quest to be free to vote and run their own affairs, even to the point of arrest for Anthony. As they neared the end of their long lives, they could see that they would, themselves, never be allowed to vote (nor would their outstanding, New England contemporary, Mary Baker Eddy). Nevertheless they persisted and created their rallying cry, “Not for ourselves alone!” Eventually, of course, the laws changed, and we might say that the rest is history.

Work to do

The desire to express, to become more fully realized never leaves anyone, not ever, and we do ourselves and others a great disservice…maybe we could even say sin…if we do not understand this and try to impede it. Freedom has many faces. The right to vote may be one of them, but so is equal opportunity and the right to marry whomsoever we may love. So is working at a profession we choose, so is living where our hearts feel free. The wise have come to recognize through the annals of history that there is no real freedom if all are not free. If they are right, we have much work to do.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

On Personhood

Frederick Douglass, perhaps the greatest of American abolitionists, wrote plaintively that if “the colored man…come[s] as a gentleman, a scholar and a statesman, he is hailed as a contradiction to the national faith concerning his race, and his coming is resented as impudence.” These words were spoken 129 years ago when hatred and anger were freshly open among people of different races. If Douglas were alive today he might discover that it was not only the recognized desire for betterment among black people that frightened whites, it was the fear that the other might be more like us than we thought!
More Like Us

It is not only race that can separate people. Sunnis and Shias kill each other regularly, just as Serbs and Muslims did in the ethnic cleansing in the Balkans. Then there was the terrible strife between Catholics and Protestants in Ireland that went on for hundreds of years. And these people all looked like one another! Perhaps it is not so much the diverse appearances among us that become a problem, perhaps it is the denial of personhood we refuse to give one another that sets us apart.

Denial of Personhood

How many times have we come across stories of people who become less suspicious of each other when they sit down to a cup of tea or a meal together? How much easier it is to fear the shadowy, unnamed stranger…of any color… walking down the street than the smiling boy who brings our paper to the door? What might have happened between Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman if they had granted each other the power of their personhood? If they had just talked a bit…and listened to each other?

Less Suspicious

Over 50 years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said that the law could keep him from being lynched, but it could not legislate love. No, it couldn’t and still can’t but we can choose it by beginning with the recognition of one another as genuine persons. This may be the only way that we can resolve differences, recognize samenesses and become real at last to each other.

Real at Last

It is really hard to continue to fear the other when we find he has the same wants and needs that we do. He wants his family to be happy, his children well educated, and his household secure…just as we all do.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

On The Great Cactus Totem

     Some biological wizardry has been taking place in our backyard lately. But first I should give the reader a sense of our lot so that this story will make sense. The lot is more than 200 feet long, and the parts closest to the house, front and back, we keep up. The way back, on the other hand, is more like an urban wilderness. We keep it cut down for safety and esthetic purposes, but don’t pay it much more attention. Some twenty years ago someone gave us an agave’ cactus which we promptly planted in the back area, out of our line of vision, and then proceeded to forget about. Now and again we would trek into the back of the yard and notice that the cactus seemed to be holding its own, actually a bit more than that. It was beginning to take up a lot of space and seemed somewhat threatening as it sported some pretty sharp spines. Fortunately it was a good distance from our activities.

Ten feet across...and seven feet tall
    
A few months ago I checked the cactus out, only to find that it had grown to ten feet across and easily seven feet tall. This oversight, I decided, could only be called “inattention to detail.” After this we all started paying attention to it, and like all things that are noticed, it responded. Within weeks it had sent up a stem that was eight inches in diameter and forty feet tall. It was astounding! I took to calling it the Great Cactus Totem, and it would actually have looked like a thing to be worshipped if the stem had not looked so much like a humongous asparagus spear. Well, now all eyes were on the giant cactus. It was definitely no longer out of the line of sight but right in front of us as we looked out our deck windows.

It bit me
    
Finally the stem stopped growing and started to unfurl very slowly, one patch at a time. We took to making up stories about what would come from it…small aliens perhaps, or maybe one, massive, all-consuming blossom. At last we could see the cactus’ intentions. At the top ten feet of the stem, small, alternating arms-like protrusions began to extend themselves, some two feet long. At the end of each arm, a series of relatively tiny, white blossoms began to erupt. The very tip of the stem is still making up its mind, but I think it will culminate in one or two vertical thrusts of tiny blossoms. As a small person I have found this whole adventure in succulence quite daunting, and I’m a little afraid to get too close to the thing. (I actually did come a little too close once, and it bit me!)

Some things are simply worth the wait
     
           Whenever I can I like to give meanings to things that occur, especially in the world of nature where growth and outcomes left alone can be quite exotic, as the cactus totem demonstrates. What comes to me easily, effortlessly and with a little smile as I watch our evolving giant in the backyard is…some things are simply worth the wait.




Monday, July 15, 2013

On The Verdict


Of course we are caught up in the news, decisions and actions of the  Trayvon Martin-George Zimmerman case. We would have to be on another planet not to be, and we will have to be wise enough to know that we are getting the heat, emotions and enough dispensation of information to make sure we stay angry and upset. Of course we have a media-eye view of a terrible act and a tragic death. Of course we are processing how we think and feel about all of this. A young man died, and another young man will be dogged his whole life by his devastating act. One lost his physical life; another will be reaping the consequences of what he did in ways we cannot yet know, regardless of our opinions about the jury's verdict. 

A media-eye view

Only one thing can be counted on: We do not really know all the genuine facts about that combative situation, and we will not. However this will not keep us from making up what we do not know and will encourage some to slash and burn, making a terrible tragedy even worse by extending it into more violence.

We do not know

In order to assuage their feelings of discomfort and confusion, some want to say: "I am Trayvon Martin," or "I am George Zimmerman." We are neither, for if we see ourselves this way, we descend back into the mindset these two young men were caught in. We become as bewildered as they were. We have no help to give.

Help to give

We have gifts to bring. Let us bring ourselves into the mix with whatever love, mindfulness and inclusive thinking we have to give. Let's do some good. Rather than going off half cocked, ready to throw fists, angry words or worse at the perceived "other," let us stand in a stable place of healing and recognize one another as spiritual beings moving through a hard place.

Gifts to bring

Many of us are old enough to have been through harm and hurt like this before...many times. Let's not go there again.



Tuesday, July 9, 2013

On Stress

     About fifty years ago a Hungarian doctor named Hans Selye coined the word, stress, as a description of any external demands made on the body which provoked a response. By this standard, if I were sitting quietly and the phone rang, my response to answer it would be deemed a stress response. Simple enough, but over the last several decades our ideas of stress have expanded enormously. Dr. Selye himself helped with this expansion by making a distinction between stress and what he termed distress. According to him distress was a negative response to external demands, which gave it a lot more clout, and I guess we could say that the rest is history.

      We are awash now in concerns about too much stress or, more accurately, distress. We are aware of illnesses due to stress, jobs that cause stress, stressful relationships, and medications for stress. Maybe we ourselves are among those who have heart problems due to stress, or skin rashes, body pain, you name it. Entire professions have been formed around the handling of stress. We understand now that people, things or situations that promote stress are called stressors. I think that even more important is the discovery that we now know we don’t have to be tapped by something outside ourselves at all. We can stress ourselves to the max, endocrine glands cranked way up, by our own thoughts. Who would have thought that the activity of our own minds could be dangerous as well as inspiring?

      There are books out now with titles like Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life, and we ought to pay attention to them or at least to their major ideas. Quite simply, if we continually spend time worrying extensively, being angry, frightened or upset, we will be pumping chemicals into the body systems that will make them work overtime. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out that undue illness and early death can likely result. And we’ll need to figure out as well that the external world cannot help us. It will never calm down and be simple again, if, in fact, it ever was. Short of living in a convent or a monastery, we’ll need to do our own settling. Simple, maybe, but not necessarily easy. We cannot ask of people what they cannot or will not do and expect to come away at peace. We cannot expect our bodies to be good partners if we keep them ginned up through constant mental irritation. Self care and genuine self love---which is not to be confused with conceit---are necessary for personal well being. I believe we really are the tenders of a calm mind, not other people, and what’s more, we owe it to ourselves and all who love us to so tend. We need stimulation, of course, to get us off the couch and into action, but wisdom helps us to discern stimulation from inner assaults on the psyche. The world will always have its share of screaming meemies. Not a good idea to be one of them.

Friday, July 5, 2013

On Marriage and Families

During the first half of 2013, two monumental events took place; both were life changing for the world. The first one involved the voluntary resignation of Pope Benedict XVI, prelate of the Roman Catholic Church, who was on hand to see his successor, Francis I, chosen. Not for six hundred years had a pope resigned, and that departure was not done willingly. One can only imagine what the ramifications of such an act may break open for the church in the 21st Century.

Possible for gay people to marry

The second event was equally important to Americans, for a decision by the U.S. Supreme Court made it possible for gay people to marry, at least in some parts of the country. This decision, hoped for by many, feared by others, was surely ground breaking for gay couples and their families, and it spoke of the evolution of many Americans, especially the young, who realized that love ultimately cannot be weighed, measured, categorized, denied or declared unconstitutional. Love cannot be regulated by religious doctrine, and those who love someone of the same sex can no longer be considered second-class citizens.

Both fathers came in tuxedos

The effects on gay families is inestimable. I have always felt that children cannot have enough people loving them, whatever the mix of their family communities, and children of gay families are not loved any less than those in heterosexual families. I became very aware of this when I was still a pulpit minister. About twenty years ago two gay partners came to me to ask if I would christen their adopted daughter. The tiny girl was related to one of the men by a remote blood connection, and so the adoption was happily agreed to. We were all excited, including me, for this was the first time I have ever done such a ceremony. In fact the day was so important to the two fathers that, not only was their little girl dressed beautifully, but both fathers came in tuxedos! It was that monumental…for them and their extended families.

The unthinkable no longer lives...only the unusual

I never questioned love again; I never questioned devotion, and I never let myself settle into a mindset where the unthinkable lived, only the unusual. This is where I think many of us find ourselves today, in a place where the unthinkable no longer lives in the world of marriage and families, only the unusual.

You may also be interested in reading "On It Is What It Is"

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

On Smiling

 
   For several years my husband and I walked the paths of a neighborhood park most week days; for exercise, yes, but also for a wonderful chance to be in an open space. During these years an older, Japanese man was walking also, only he walked in the opposite direction from us and would regularly cross our paths. He ambled along just about as slowly as my husband did, so our crossings came up in a measured way. I could easily see his grim face, a stern, closed visage. He never smiled, and we did not speak.

     I am a great believer in the effectiveness of non-verbal communication, and I know of the invitation that smiling brings. Some think that we smile to keep people at bay, as if to say, “I’m harmless.” I don’t think so. I think that a smile, genuinely given, is an extension of ourselves to another, a gift of silent greeting. So I decided to smile this man into submission. Every time we would pass one another, I would smile a big, wide, kickass smile and accompany it with one of my favorite, silent greetings…I love you. Time after time I would do my little routine, and time after time he would simply pass me, stone-faced.

     One day something different happened. The man smiled…not a big, toothy grin but a small pursing of lips with the corners turned up. And this continued, with the eventual uncovering of a few teeth showing. Over a period of months that eventually passed into years, those breaking smiles grew into short commentaries, exclamations about the weather, questions about our mutual health. Before our spate of time together finished, my Japanese friend and I became aware of each other’s families, how many children we each had, when he would visit his daughters in Hawaii and such other things that people who grow to care about each other exchange. Over time both my friend and my husband became unable to walk the park’s trails much and so only occasionally would we spot one another. At these times while my husband was seated, I would hurry over to him to catch up on our shared stories until eventually our contact slipped away.

     These days as I think about the park times, I am amazed at how such a small gesture grew into a relationship with a life and history of its own. I wonder whether or not my friend still walks the earth…he was elderly when I first saw him...I wonder if he is enjoying the warm Hawaiian sun. I wonder if I were walking the park’s paths again, would I make the same invitation once more to another solemn walker?

     I think these are the questions that beset us all. In a world where technologies connect us through gadgets, we can find it easier to become isolated physically from others. It takes time and effort to craft a breathing relationship, and I fear time becomes contracted through the lack of need for personal connection. If another unsmiling person walked my way again, would I crack the first smile? I hope so.




Monday, July 1, 2013

On Spirituality

              I believe that everyone is spiritual, actually everything, for that matter. I think that spirituality is the infinite essence that underlies all of life and eventually makes its way into form as well. We tend to think of spirituality as being an invisible movement, something that remains only in the mind in the realm of ideas, but I think that it also inhabits the shapes and forms of our lives and is consistently taking form and leaving form, very much like what death does for a body that is not longer useful. In a way, death acts as a cleansing agent; it does not obliterate life; it only removes an impediment to it. All the while our spirituality remains intact and as far as we know, continues to move as an essence until and unless it takes another form for greater ease of expression. This makes perfect sense to me, but then, I am a believer.

Spirituality and religion become mixed...

            Over the eons of time, spirituality and religion have become mixed up together, with religion claiming a corner on the spirituality market. This has not always been a happy partnership, for organized religion has often completely missed the flowing freedom that characterizes the nature of spirituality and tried to cram it into rigid demands and codes. Is there really a right way to be spiritual…and a wrong way? Is it possible to be unspiritual, or are we just not adhering to a religious system’s idea of correctness? More importantly, can the fulfillment of our spiritual natures be denied us by anything other than our own lack of understanding? Who can possibly know for us what we can only know for ourselves? Good questions that need to be asked, even if we are not sure about the answers.

 We step into it...

            As the centuries passed we got better and better at being religious. We gave our spirituality names and made it into gods that behaved like us. Sometimes Love sneaked into the mix, but a whole lot of time we were dealing with gods that were really mean spirited, wrathful and vengeful. As a young person I gave up on religion as such. I figured I already knew how to be miserable. Who needed a god that was better at it then I was? But spirituality, on the other hand…that never left, and its beckonings were never far off. It was, after all, essential to my nature. I didn’t have to “get” it; I only had to become aware. Awakening after a night’s sleep does not mean we have to create the daylight. We only have to step into it.

 The Genii is out of the bottle...

            The genii is out of the bottle, as far as I am concerned. I cannot go back to the rightness and wrongness of organized religion. As the Sufi poet, Rumi, suggests I can only move past those highly structured ideas and meet others in the field of spirituality we all share. Imagine what it might be like if we all did.