Tuesday, October 11, 2016

On Irresolution




         In the world of relationships I think we need to have a place for what I call “irresolution.” We all know that even the smartest and most loving people will simply not agree upon everything. What matters is what we disagree on and how much! There will always be the guy who never picks the towels off the floor after a shower or the gal who mixes up her make up with the sacrosanct shaving stuff. But does this matter? Maybe we can just quietly put the towels in place or sort out the make-up bottles and go happily on our way. No big deal. This kind of irresolution need not be a game changer. It’s small, and we can live with it.
What does matter....

What does matter is a great deal of disconnection and disagreement about personal philosophies and living behaviors that do not self correct or maybe even get needed attention. If there are some basic sore spots that get rubbed raw regularly between two in a relationship, these need to be recognized, not quietly hidden. They need to be discussed and healed, or some day, some time, when the sore is too raw, something that seems way out of proportion may explode. Much to everyone’s surprise, the giant sleeping in the second bedroom wakes up!

Pay fresh attention. ...
To keep relationships healthy, I think we need to pay fresh attention to our partners every day and not take too much for granted. When, for instance, did we actually thank our loved one for a kindness? Have we been moseying along and not providing the needed ear or the soft, wordless touch during a hard place? Have we forgotten that all fires need stoking or they are in danger in going out? One thing our busy lives must never overshadow is knowing what’s important and what’s not, for the individuals in a relationship and the relationship itself.

Trust me. A tiny bit of irresolution may stand. Silent, creeping, untended irresolution will not.

You might also enjoy "On Worrying."


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