My
husband and I got together in the middle of our lives, which meant that we
brought into our relationship our already established opinions, attitudes and
behaviors, formed long ago in our young lives.
My, were we capable of heady conversations, and, shall we say, “spirited
discussions!” Quiet exchanges actually
did take place and were always possible, but often loud and noisy were more the
norm, especially during our early years together.
Without Committing Mayhem
Then we got smart. We both knew that, as controlling as we both were, we were not about to change one another, so we had to find a way to make it through verbal communications without committing mayhem, and we invented…brailling. Everyone knows about the splendid language called Braille, created by French teacher, Louis Braille, in the 19th Century, that enables the blind to read using a coded system of raised dots that they could touch with their fingers. Quite simply they “read” with their fingers, and if they wish, not make a single sound. Well, as my husband and I discovered, there were lots of ways to be blind that did not necessarily involve physical sight. There were lots of ways to exhibit deafness as well that also did not involve physical hearing. We loved each other very much and were also quite blind and deaf at times to one another, not listening and not seeing what the other was trying to say.
Then we got smart. We both knew that, as controlling as we both were, we were not about to change one another, so we had to find a way to make it through verbal communications without committing mayhem, and we invented…brailling. Everyone knows about the splendid language called Braille, created by French teacher, Louis Braille, in the 19th Century, that enables the blind to read using a coded system of raised dots that they could touch with their fingers. Quite simply they “read” with their fingers, and if they wish, not make a single sound. Well, as my husband and I discovered, there were lots of ways to be blind that did not necessarily involve physical sight. There were lots of ways to exhibit deafness as well that also did not involve physical hearing. We loved each other very much and were also quite blind and deaf at times to one another, not listening and not seeing what the other was trying to say.
So
we taught each other to braille our bodies.
We learned to recognize the point of no return in our heated
discussions, the point where if anyone said one more word, one more syllable,
one tiny snort…we were into it! Full-on
hollering! No opportunity to say
anything lest it stoke a verbal forest fire.
Instead we reached out to use the language of touch. We might not have had the sense to say “I
love you,” but we could pass the words through our fingers, and we did. Quite often for awhile. The wonder of a soft touch on the arm or
shoulder, a finger or two brushing the back of the neck…and the anger backed
away, the fires blew out. We were wise
enough not to intrude any sexual overtures in the touching, which would have
lost us the chance to simply love as people growing in love again.
Belonging Can Be Conveyed In Many Ways
By now we’ve learned a couple of things. We don’t engage in much silly stuff anymore, so the need for big-time brailling isn’t there. Still, we both learned a whole, new language together. Belonging can be conveyed in so many ways; Oneness shows up when we least expect it sometimes. We have come to know each other so well that the exchange of a single touch can speak more volumes than the spoken word ever could. Riding together in the car, no words exchanged yet the desire to speak love surfacing, it is so natural, so easy to touch a knee, rest a hand on the thigh, saying once more for the zillionth time…I love you.
By now we’ve learned a couple of things. We don’t engage in much silly stuff anymore, so the need for big-time brailling isn’t there. Still, we both learned a whole, new language together. Belonging can be conveyed in so many ways; Oneness shows up when we least expect it sometimes. We have come to know each other so well that the exchange of a single touch can speak more volumes than the spoken word ever could. Riding together in the car, no words exchanged yet the desire to speak love surfacing, it is so natural, so easy to touch a knee, rest a hand on the thigh, saying once more for the zillionth time…I love you.
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