On It Is What It Is

A Glib Set of Words

     ‘It is what it is.’ How often have we spoken this glib set of words when viewing something in front of us that does not change, or perhaps cannot. They’re a hopeless set of words, subjects and predicates that go nowhere. And, as we soon discover, ‘it is what it is’ always holds pain within its syllables…all the way from a dull, aching disappointment to a heart wound that takes time to close.

      In my later years, after I had completed my pulpit work, I returned to university life to pursue an advanced degree. During this time I formed a very pleasant friendship with a professor that enabled us to spend good time together. She and I enjoyed conversations, lunches, e-mails and university meetings together which continued after I finished my studies. It was easy and effortless and included the gains and losses friends share as their lives march on. Then everything changed, almost from what seemed one day to the next. No more e-mails, no responses to any of my invitations, no answers to my queries. I hesitated to probe outside the limits of good taste, so after a silent year, I simply wrote a note speaking of my sadness that we seemed to have lost our connection. Eventually she wrote back, thanking me for “understanding,” but making it clear that our time together was done.

Understanding?

      What “understanding?”, I thought. I understood nothing; I was clueless about what had changed. But then…quietly, almost without mercy, creeping into my unwilling awareness… ‘it is what it is’ appeared. I was not going to know why, and my only healthy choice was to let it all go. My western mind, which wanted reasons, fixes and nice, neat completions, was not going to get any. There would be no making peace, except within myself. ‘It is what it is.’




Some Convergences Are Unhappy

      These few words need to be part of our mental landscape, I think, for there are going to be instances that just will not line up. Some things will change, and we won’t know why. And despite our best efforts and outpourings of love and energy some things will not change, and we won’t know why. Some convergences are happy but seem not to last, despite our desires. Some convergences are unhappy and seem to last a lifetime, resisting healing at every turn. Once ‘it is what it is’ enters the picture, it can free us. Once it resounds in us securely and firmly, we are the ones who can change…and walk away. Sometimes we can literally leave a personal situation, and sometimes we are more closely bound to it, but in our minds and hearts we can give up the desire for an outcome we would have preferred. I think the love and energy seemingly given to no avail is not wasted because we come to know to what ends we are capable, and this knowledge is wonderful.

     The wheel has turned; ‘it is what it is;’ time to move on.