Giving care to a loved one is maybe not what we planned on, but more times than imagined, it is what we find ourselves doing. I have recently found myself in that position because of my beloved Victor’s structural needs and lessening mobility, and in some ways I found that I knew more than I thought I did and less than I thought I did.
"as best I am able"
There are a few ways that we become caregivers: 1) We train for it as professionals, 2) We come into a personal relationship knowing in advance of special needs, 3) It develops over time when a once-hale person becomes physically compromised. I suspect for many of us it is #3 that applies as something we didn’t figure on, but here we are. For me, it was helpful that I attended a caregivers’ conference and discovered, among other things, a very important idea: It is just what it is, and I can only do “as best I am able,” as the conference leader taught us.
When approval is not forthcoming...
It is always encouraging when the person we care for gives approval, and I am blessed with this. No matter how out of sorts Victor may be, he gives unfailing thanks to me and to others who are on hand. This is not always the case, of course, and when approval is not forthcoming, we have to find other reasons for hanging in there. Love for and understanding the needs of the recipient help, as well as remembering that we are on hand to assist in, not take away, the experience that our loved one is engaged in. It is simply not ours to take on what someone is experiencing, and feeling guilty because we’re not taking away the pain or anguish will be self defeating. Actually the spiritually-minded person can include the situation as a spiritual practice by inviting a broadening of ourselves that lets us become aware of the depth of love we possess…more than we may know.
...Carve out patience...
What are the important things for the caregiver to remember? I think that, pragmatically speaking, self care should be high on the list. If the caregiver burns him or herself to ashes trying to do things completely and perfectly, they themselves can become ill. Times away so that we may set an inner "reset button" to keep frustrations from escalating are very important. Otherwise what we do can become a slog, no matter how loving the participation. And whatever we can do to carve out patience, do it! Borrow it; buy it; steal it; grow it through lots of consistent prayer and rest. These are some of the best gifts the caregiver can give the self.
Essays On Everything - https://tinyurl.com/pxerlxr
More Essays On Everything - https://tinyurl.com/mypdvmw
Blog - http://margaretstortz.blogspot.com/
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