On Change

These days when I hear the word, change, I almost want to run and hide. Actually sometimes I do; I hang out in a favorite old book…not too serious…and enjoy familiar words for a while. But change is always there to meet me when my nose comes up for air. Bombs, bullets and ballistics crown the headlines; the newest technologies fill advertisement space; people die without our permission, and the thing I felt sure about yesterday may not greet me with today’s dawn.

Has it really come to this?...

I don’t resist change. That would be foolish. I would just like it to be a little more measured, a little more moderate. I would rather see a house remodeled than demolished by a gigantic earth mover gouging it to pieces. Charles Darwin once wrote that “it is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent…It is the one that is most adaptable to change.” Has it really come to this? Does our species survival or simply our own integral sense of self depend on how much we embrace change and how little we resist it?  Perhaps.

The recognition that love heals...

I would like to think, though, that there are certain obvious spiritual qualities that can persist through all the shuffling of forms: The recognition that love heals, that kindness attracts and does not repel, that times of calm contemplation still bring out inner wisdoms more than fiddling with the newest gadget.

More than a quarter-inch thick...

Change is necessary to keep up and also to advance, no doubt, but bypassing the grand strokes that the past has taught is a waste of the foundations on which we stand. If we are to be more than a quarter-inch thick in spiritual integrity, we should remember that we contain great depths as well as surface brilliance.

The newest door down a long haul...

Change, yes, but along with the remembrance that it is just the newest door down a long hall of experiences and honed perceptions.

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On Caregiving

       
Giving care to a loved one is maybe not what we planned on, but more times than imagined, it is what we find ourselves doing. I have recently found myself in that position because of my beloved Victor’s structural needs and lessening mobility, and in some ways I found that I knew more than I thought I did and less than I thought I did. 

"as best I am able"

There are a few ways that we become caregivers: 1) We train for it as professionals, 2) We come into a personal relationship knowing in advance of special needs, 3) It develops over time when a once-hale person becomes physically compromised. I suspect for many of us it is #3 that applies as something we didn’t figure on, but here we are. For me, it was helpful that I attended a caregivers’ conference and discovered, among other things, a very important idea: It is just what it is, and I can only do “as best I am able,” as the conference leader taught us.

When approval is not forthcoming...

It is always encouraging when the person we care for gives approval, and I am blessed with this. No matter how out of sorts Victor may be, he gives unfailing thanks to me and to others who are on hand. This is not always the case, of course, and when approval is not forthcoming, we have to find other reasons for hanging in there. Love for and understanding the needs of the recipient help, as well as remembering that we are on hand to assist in, not take away, the experience that our loved one is engaged in. It is simply not ours to take on what someone is experiencing, and feeling guilty because we’re not taking away the pain or anguish will be self defeating. Actually the spiritually-minded person can include the situation as a spiritual practice by inviting a broadening of ourselves that lets us become aware of the depth of love we possess…more than we may know.

...Carve out patience...

What are the important things for the caregiver to remember? I think that, pragmatically speaking, self care should be high on the list. If the caregiver burns him or herself to ashes trying to do things completely and perfectly, they themselves can become ill. Times away so that we may set an inner "reset button" to keep frustrations from escalating are very important.  Otherwise what we do can become a slog, no matter how loving the participation.  And whatever we can do to carve out patience, do it! Borrow it; buy it; steal it; grow it through lots of consistent prayer and rest. These are some of the best gifts the caregiver can give the self.


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On Courage

Lately I have noticed some courageous deeds done by some unlikely folks, kids, as a matter of fact. The TV news recently told us of a nine-year-old who drove his snowmobile alone to find help for his injured father. And then there was a seventeen-year-old who pulled two people out of a dangerous surf. Noble, of course, and unexpected as such deeds are. No one expects to be called on suddenly to save a life, and maybe risk one’s own to do so.

Courage...comes in many guises...

Courage, though, comes in many guises, and some of the most important…and often the toughest…are the instances that arise within ourselves. Would it be considered brave, does it take courage to do some of the things we must do for ourselves, the things others may not know about? I think so. Certainly it takes a lot of heart fluttering to speak up for what we believe in, knowing we’ll get some push back.

Addicted to being right...

Then there is dealing with those things to which we are addicted, and I’m not just talking about substance abuse. Yes, there is that, which eventually becomes an obvious problem. But I’m thinking of the behaviors we form over time to protect us from ever looking inward. How many of us are addicted to being right all the time? How many of us throw up unsocial behaviors so others will not see how unsure we are? How many of us disrupt everything we don’t like by reacting in anger? Or blaming others? Or refusing to listen? How many of us can respond with equanimity when impending death faces us or someone we love? Some of these situations we can only put off but not avoid.

Life is basically good...

I really do believe that life is basically good, but no one ever said that living it would be easy.

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On Thinking Clearly

Turns out there is a whole lot more to thinking than just letting our minds throw up thoughts to us in a scattered manner that can beset us without rhyme or reason. Prof. Mark Muesse, teacher of Religious and Asian Studies at Rhodes College, during a course on meditation, made a distinction between what he called “skilled and unskilled” thinking. He suggested we have something to say about the kinds of thoughts we will work with. During the course of our lives, we have the ability to determine the ways in which we shall think about ourselves, others and the events of our lives. There are many questions we should ask in these regards: How shall I think about what is before me? Shall I get all upset and jump right into the confusion? Shall I resist? Shall I get angry? Shall I hold still a moment and observe rather than mindlessly act?

I can't help how I feel...

Some will say…I can’t help how I feel. Well, yes and no. We may have an immediate feeling that comes into the mind, but we do not have to continue with that feeling unless we allow ourselves to get lost in its sway. People who engage in mental/spiritual practices learn quickly that they can take charge of their thinking. They do not have to be torn to pieces by thoughts and feelings that just “run on.” They can slow down a train of thought; they can bring focus to areas of interest, and they can make a place for times of quiet, restful considerations…ideas that aren’t consumed with getting but simply being.

We do not need to leap...

There is a pragmatic flow to Buddhist thought that knows we are to be active in this world, and there is also the flow that allows for quiet acceptances and observation of the passing stream. Things come to pass, they might say, and we do not need to leap into everything before us all the time.

Clear thinking…focused, heightened, guided...lets us know when to leap and when to take a pass.

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On Habits

Some say that love makes the world go ‘round. I’m not so sure. I think it’s habits. They get us up in the mornings or whatever passes for mornings; they help us dress and prepare for the day; they guide our actions during our waking period, and they get us ready for sleeping, and all this usually takes place at fairly prescribed times during a 24-hour period. Of course we can slip the traces and do some crazy things, and we do, but mostly it’s habits that have us moving along a recognizable path. Habits are those helpful, little subconscious switches in us that turn off and on, regulating our physical activities and also the ways our minds tend to work.

Running on automatic pilot...

Some days we are pretty much running on automatic pilot, sometimes going through entire days without the need to “take thought” for anything. It’s really only when we are called upon to think original thoughts that we switch over to manual power and probe the mind for what it has for us.

Some habits are time savers...

It’s not a question that habitual thinking is bad for us. Some habits are time savers. Who needs to have to learn to dress or feed ourselves all over again every day? It’s a question of how much of ourselves we are giving over to automatic processes that move us along without the need for us to check in regularly. Spiritual practices are one of these checking procedures. They help us examine whether our mental habits are healthy. Are they affirming our life energies? Are they keeping us from being curious about discovery?

...habits are not open ended...

By their natures habits are not open ended, and they are not discerning. They go down the road they were programmed…consciously or subconsciously…to take and nothing more. Habits are comfortable, even if they are not healthy, and they are scary. What if we don’t look into them to see if they still serve us? What if we are serving them? Bears thinking about, especially if we want to be up for real, self discovery on a regular basis.

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