On Starting Over

     These days I find myself in an interesting position, one I had never imagined. At the plummy age of 80 plus, I am starting over. The days of creating careers and families are past, but as a freshly-minted widow, I now need to recast the older segment of my days because the main thrust of my life for several years is now gone. As many readers know, when your life revolves around another's care, it can become quite narrowly focused. Those years were a trust and a treasure, and now they’re complete.

Rest and heal...

I discovered that, first, you need to rest and heal. The energies that loving care takes must be restored, and the sense of terrible loss… sometimes mixed with relief… must begin to abate before you can begin to look outside yourself. Then the question becomes: Is there still a place for me?

There is no hurry...

Yes, there is, you will find! All the skills and wisdoms you honed over the years have not left, and you will gradually discover them lying in wait for you. Life, in the form of family, friends and new people you have yet to meet, need the gifts you formed over time. It may be slow starting but your steady hand will reveal itself over time. There is no hurry. A “destination” or two over the weeks will get you moving and interested again. Believe me, breakfasts with buddies can be a very good start.

Be kind to yourself...

Be patient; be kind to yourself; don’t worry about the missteps, and allow for breakdowns. Others will be glad to have you again. Love and let yourself be loved a lot. Starting over, after all, is a process… and it’s not for sissies!

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